August 1, 2020•225 words
Sometimes the world is a shitty place full of shitty people.
And sometimes it's not. You know, there are probably some long-term effects of being raised by excessively demanding and withholding parents. I don't know. Maybe I read it somewhere? But it definitely lines up with my own experience.
The thing with parents who always expect more from you is there you end up always wanting to do better, and maybe having some perfectionist tendencies. This is probably not entirely a bad thing.
The problem with parents who don't provide some praise every now and then is that... well, maybe you're never sure that you've done enough, and this can be crippling. This has probably followed me into my professional life - I'm not happy unless I'm doing better than I have to, and even then I'm not happy.
So finally being in an environment where people praise me when they think I've done a good job is... still unsettling. I'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, or wondering why they're doing what they're doing, or ... I don't know.
I don't quite know how to counteract this, either. I should be able to trust people more, and I should be comfortable with being recognised for my work, but for some reason, I'm not.
There's no lesson here, just notes and reflections.